hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
