in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
