You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
