I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
