Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
