I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
