so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
