bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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