I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
