i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
