one two three fourrrrnication!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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