can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
