i just sent this text using only my big toe
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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