And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
