it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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