i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
