i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
