My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
