So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
