if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Everything about him screamed your future.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
