I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
