am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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