'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
