Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
