Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
