There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
