OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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