I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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