ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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