I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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