I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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