are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
