she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
