I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
