Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
