if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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