I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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