i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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