That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
