ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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