come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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