New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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