at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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