We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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