He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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