if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
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He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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