Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I touched a dick in church today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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