11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
