A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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