I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
