im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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