there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
