I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My life is pants optional.
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