This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
