i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize