What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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