i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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