Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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