every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
