how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm sobbing to NWA
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
