my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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