well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
