Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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