My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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